a citizen’s journal by Thomas Nephew

Bush Pilot

Posted by Thomas Nephew on July 21st, 2006

In German, but you don’t really need it — except maybe to learn that this was really a small fuel tank.

Via jurassicpork (“Welcome to Pottersville”).

UPDATE, 7/21: I’ve translated the script and made it the first comment.

3 Responses to “Bush Pilot”

  1. Thomas Nephew Says:

    –Bush-Pilot script translation–
    VOICEOVER: The world was wondering for days — what was the secret of these strange tubes and the small box on George Bush’s back? One man knows the answer:
    JS: Oh, that. That’s the fuel tank. We had to attach it on the outside to comply with fire codes.
    VOICEOVER: Johannes Schlueter should know. The Goettingen native works as Bush pilot for the American government. He has been steering Bush for almost four years. Here in the steering room — the Kopf-pit — Johannes Schlueter gets ready for his workday.
    JS: So, I’ll raise the Bush now…. All right. Now I’ll do an eye check… left, right, left, right… Very good. And I’ll throw in a tongue check…left, right, left, right. All right. Fine, now I’ll let him stand up… sooo… whoah! Shit. The “demonstration effect” — sometimes something gets a little stuck. Let’s try again… sooo… that’s better.
    VOICEOVER: A little later: a press conference. In addition to a Class 3 driver’s license, Johannes Schlueter must also master basic text processing.
    JS: Here on the voice board is where I type in what the Bush is supposed to say. That can be hard if I don’t know how to spell something exactly right, for example this prison Abu Gu-rayb… no, that’s not it… Ab-u Gur-awb… not it either… whatever.*
    REPORTER: Would you say being a Bush pilot is a dream job?
    JS: Well, when I came to the U.S. ten years ago, I actually wanted to be a cab driver.
    REPORTER: What went wrong?
    JS: Well, my English isn’t so great.
    VOICEOVER: Schlueter has driven Bush for four years almost without accident, but there were tense moments.
    JS: Yo, that was in an elementary school, and I’d put Bush on autopilot and was on break. All of a sudden there’s important news. Usually you’re supposed to look all serious, maybe say something important — and I didn’t. It was absolutely my fault. Bad job there.
    REPORTER: Are you worried about your job?
    JS: Well, you know, Bush is checked out until November, what happens then is anyone’s guess. I’d love to keep doing it. Above all, my colleagues are really nice.
    JS: Ready for handshake… ready?
    BLAIR’S DRIVER: Ready for handshake.
    JS: Shake, shake, shake, shake, shake… and… disconnect. Very good.
    VOICEOVER: Johannes Schlueter, a German in America… making his way.
    [return to “Bush pilot“]
    * Nicely delivered new German expression for me: “is’ mir jetzt auch wumpe, glaub’ ich.”

  2. WorldWideWeber Says:

    Version with subtitles available here.

  3. Karen Says:

    Thanks for the transcript…I’d been wondering what they had said when I first saw this one…though the jist was pretty clear!

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